Getting Quiet and Listening

What Ted Lasso teaches us about challenging our assumptions

Jason Sudeikis as Ted Lasso and Brendan Hunt as Coach Beard

Greetings, friends.

Sorry I’m a day late (or maybe two, by the time I get this finished and sent). Things have been busy as ever over here, and while I laid out a really nice and achievable plan last week, I have it on hold for a minute while I finish up a couple busy weeks at my day job and at the newspaper, which has also become my day job.

Of course, I also just took on another new and exciting project, so my first task after the election will be to figure out how to fit twice as much work into a week that refuses to get any longer. It’s almost as if I’m avoiding something. Wonder what it could be…? 🧐😂

Speaking of which, I have SO MANY IDEAS. Not just about how I can revamp the beginning of the book, but also about all the articles and essays I can put out there. After next week, I will be able to settle back into a more reasonable schedule and start doing the things I’ve been trying my hardest not to do. (I see you over there, The Other Women. Stop smirking at me!)

No other updates about the book, unless you count another rejection from another agent - which I do not, because over the last year I’ve become numb to them. So that leaves only one thing for us to talk about: home.

It’s been about a month since I started writing about the idea of home, anchoring on a few different pieces of media that have me thinking of my place of origin. First, a song. Then, a drama. Today, another show - one which apparently falls into the “comedy drama” category and which makes me smile from ear to ear every time I watch it.

That’s right, I’m talking about Ted Lasso. In case you’ve yet to see this masterpiece, I’ll give you a quick elevator pitch: Ted, an (American) football coach from Kansas, moves to England to coach (soccer) football, and his team, its owner, and an entire fanbase learns some lessons from him, despite their best efforts.

I heard about Ted for at least a year before finally watching it. Much like most of the books I read and shows I watch, I had no real clue what it was about before I pushed play for the first time. From the very first line Jason Sudeikis uttered as Ted, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to stop. At first blush, he reminded me of a generic Midewestern dad. And, since I have a Midwestern dad, you could say I’m partial to them. And it’s not just his accent (which is impeccable) that reminds me of home; it’s also his wordplay. Ted speaks in about 50% simile, and when he says things like, “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't wanna hear it. All right?” and, “Your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen,” it takes me back to growing up with my dad and his family.

The way he talks is endearing, but after a few minutes you notice that Ted is not who you might assume him to be. While I expected to see him as some dumbass who made a reckless decision to move halfway across the world and do something he had no experience doing, that couldn’t be further from the truth - and the show’s other characters come to realize this in their own time. Despite themselves, they grow to admire and care about Ted after seeing his [insert enviable quality here] in action. Seriously, he’s:

• humble

• thoughtful

• dedicated

• caring

• flawed

• reflective

• kind

I’m sure there are a dozen others I’m not thinking of. And all these qualities draw the viewer into Ted’s character while also making them challenge their assumptions about everyone and everything. Ted’s responses to his environment never cease to surprise me. Maybe it’s because I see too many people who can’t stand to be challenged or admit their worldview might not be the only one. But time and time again, when Ted is put into situations where he could lash out and become defensive, he instead gets quiet and starts listening.

Ted has his flaws. One might criticize him for what they see as blind optimism or recognize his positivity as a way of covering up some really deep trauma in his life or his rigidity as a way of coping with things he can’t control. And they might be right. But these are also great things about this character. He models how to be imperfect, and also how to improve with every single interaction. He doesn’t think there’s a person in this world he couldn’t learn something from, be it a fact or a different perspective.

This is what is missing from the world, and what I wish more people could see. We all have something to learn from each other. We all have value. Our experiences, our feelings, our knowledge - they all matter. The next time you come up against a communication barrier, instead of bristling, ask a question.

Be like Ted.

Until next time,