I want to agree with you, and I do on some levels. Lots of levels really. But this... this is just a hard one for me. And that's because the stakes right now are so personal for me. When others are debating my right to exist, my right to access medical care, my right to have constitutional protections, it sacrifices some essential part of me to engage in a conversation where the other person's point of view overrides my rights as a human.
Any other topic, yes, let's talk and be humans together.
I totally agree. I would add that people claim that they're helping by "challenging" those with differing viewpoints, as though the argume ts they're making might change the person's mind. But people don't change their minds when they're being screamed at. That engages their counter-will. In a psychological defence against being overridden, they dig in, furthering polarization. I advocate for curious and calm engagement when talking about heated issues. People can and do change their minds about things when they are treated with kindness. And even if they don't, they'll respect you a lot more than they do the people who scream at them. 😊
You make a good point and I appreciate your point. I guess I'm such an extravert and very verbal, I really need the face to face. It helps me work things out by seeing people. I grew up in a very dynamic family and that is how we worked things out. Amazing how we are all so different!
Im From NZ where people are trying to make politics a thing but few people care.
Ive lived in the USA where it all seems bonkers to me.
I was taught not to talk about Sex Politics or Religion but it seems that all the yanks talk about.
What I loved about your article and substack in general is that its educating - hick me.
Im getting so many different viewpoints on life from so many people. When I agree or disagree with some article I try to look at WHY ? Why arent they right... what is Right...
Nicci, I really appreciate what you share here. I grew up in an ultra conservative family and maintained those values staunchly... until my second daughter, Sarah, was born with a rare genetic anomaly called Apert syndrome.
Suddenly, our needs crossed the proverbial political line in the sand and I chose to return to a place of genuine curiosity - of openness, of receptivity, of willingness to be challenged and to be wrong - and now I consider myself more moderate.
Here's a reflection I wrote about my own experience similar to the "You People" cringey label:
Ugh, thank you so much for this reminder. I pride myself on communication and being able to see two very opposing sides of an idea, but often find myself judging people by their voting category more often than I'd like to admit. A friend (who might be considered my "Brian") gave me the words once "That is interesting; that is not my understanding of xxx. Can you tell me where I can learn more about that?" Showing the other person that you are at least open to the idea of hearing their side generally helps to bring down the defensiveness.
I appreciate this post and the example of a helpful way to communicate.
Great article. One key about having these conversations is being in person, face to face. Thanks for writing this.
I want to agree with you, and I do on some levels. Lots of levels really. But this... this is just a hard one for me. And that's because the stakes right now are so personal for me. When others are debating my right to exist, my right to access medical care, my right to have constitutional protections, it sacrifices some essential part of me to engage in a conversation where the other person's point of view overrides my rights as a human.
Any other topic, yes, let's talk and be humans together.
I totally agree. I would add that people claim that they're helping by "challenging" those with differing viewpoints, as though the argume ts they're making might change the person's mind. But people don't change their minds when they're being screamed at. That engages their counter-will. In a psychological defence against being overridden, they dig in, furthering polarization. I advocate for curious and calm engagement when talking about heated issues. People can and do change their minds about things when they are treated with kindness. And even if they don't, they'll respect you a lot more than they do the people who scream at them. 😊
You make a good point and I appreciate your point. I guess I'm such an extravert and very verbal, I really need the face to face. It helps me work things out by seeing people. I grew up in a very dynamic family and that is how we worked things out. Amazing how we are all so different!
Im From NZ where people are trying to make politics a thing but few people care.
Ive lived in the USA where it all seems bonkers to me.
I was taught not to talk about Sex Politics or Religion but it seems that all the yanks talk about.
What I loved about your article and substack in general is that its educating - hick me.
Im getting so many different viewpoints on life from so many people. When I agree or disagree with some article I try to look at WHY ? Why arent they right... what is Right...
and of course.. What is Truth ?
Nicci, I really appreciate what you share here. I grew up in an ultra conservative family and maintained those values staunchly... until my second daughter, Sarah, was born with a rare genetic anomaly called Apert syndrome.
Suddenly, our needs crossed the proverbial political line in the sand and I chose to return to a place of genuine curiosity - of openness, of receptivity, of willingness to be challenged and to be wrong - and now I consider myself more moderate.
Here's a reflection I wrote about my own experience similar to the "You People" cringey label:
https://jeannieewing.substack.com/p/im-tempted-to-believe-i-dont-belong?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2
Ugh, thank you so much for this reminder. I pride myself on communication and being able to see two very opposing sides of an idea, but often find myself judging people by their voting category more often than I'd like to admit. A friend (who might be considered my "Brian") gave me the words once "That is interesting; that is not my understanding of xxx. Can you tell me where I can learn more about that?" Showing the other person that you are at least open to the idea of hearing their side generally helps to bring down the defensiveness.
I appreciate this post and the example of a helpful way to communicate.